Consent

When consent is given, it signifies permission or agreement to a particular action, whether verbally or nonverbally. It should always be explicit, precise, and continuous. The cornerstone of consent lies in transparent communication. Discuss boundaries with your partner and always respect each other's limits unconditionally.

When and How to Ask for Consent

Before initiating any physical contact, such as touching, kissing, or sexual activity, always seek consent. It is crucial to reach a mutual and explicit agreement every time, even if consent was given previously. When altering the level or nature of the activity, communicate without pressure or force. Utilize verbal and/or physical signals to confirm consent. Remember, consent should be unambiguous, specific, voluntary, continuous, and understandable.

Clear

  • “Is this okay?”

  • “Are you comfortable?”

  • “Can we ____?”

Specific

  • “Do you want to cuddle?”

  • “Can I kiss you?”

  • “Is it okay if I touch you here?”

  • “Can I unbutton your pants?”

Voluntary

  • “Tell me to stop whenever you want.”

  • “We don’t have to do something you’re not comfortable with.”

  • “I only want this if you want this.”

  • “You can say no.”

Ongoing

  • “Do you want to keep going?”

  • “Do you want to slow down?”

  • “Can I take your shirt off now?”

  • “I know we’ve done this before, but do you want to do it now?”

Coherent

  • “Are you sober?”

  • “Are you sure you’re comfortable with this?”

  • “We can stop at any time.”

What Non-consent Looks Like

If your partner seems uncertain, uneasy, intoxicated, or outright declines your advances, that indicates non-consent. Your partner might express non-consent through verbal and non-verbal cues, such as:

  • Responses like “I don’t know”, “Um…I guess”, “Maybe”, or “No”

  • Pulling back, tensing, or flinching

  • Silence, lack of response, or nervous laughter

  • Saying "yes" while under the influence of substances

 

If your partner appears uncertain, it's important to communicate with them. Consider asking questions such as:

  • “Would you like to pause or take a break?”

  • “Are you feeling okay?”

  • “Would you prefer to try this another time?”

  • “Do you want to watch TV or do something different?”

If you notice your partner feeling uneasy, they likely are.

Remember, you have sole ownership of your body. You have the right to give consent only when YOU choose, and you have the right to revoke that consent at any moment. This principle applies to both your partner and those around you.

How to Hear No

It's important to understand that your partner has the right to say no, even if they have previously said yes. Various factors can affect a person's choice to participate in sexual activities, and they have the autonomy to make that decision regardless of your wishes. Show genuine respect for your partner's boundaries, value their honesty, and convey your appreciation to them. Reassure them that you respect their limits and are thankful for their openness with you.

Digital Consent

With the prevalence of smartphones, social media, and constant web access, communication has become faster and more convenient. Consequently, relationships may appear to evolve more rapidly. In such situations, it's crucial not to overlook the significance of consent.
When engaging through social media, cell phones, or online platforms, remember to be especially thoughtful about seeking and respecting digital consent. Given today's tech-driven culture, it's essential to understand how to request, grant, or decline digital consent as needed.

How Digital Consent Shows Up and How to Handle It

Texting/Talking on the Phone

Your cell phone is always within reach, but your partner may not be, and that's perfectly fine.

  • Have a conversation with your partner about your preferred frequency of texting or calling.

  • Establish a mutually agreeable response time; some individuals require a few minutes, while others may need a couple of hours.

  • Talk about periods when either you or your partner may be unavailable, like during work, family gatherings, or personal time.

Sharing Online

Social media and the internet do not prioritize privacy. You and your partner need to establish boundaries on what is suitable for sharing and what should remain private.

  • Have a conversation with your partner about their comfort level with sharing and tagging photos, as well as posting about your relationship online.

  • Inquire whether your partner would like to review the photo or post before it is shared, or if they are content with you posting without prior approval.

Sexting

Sending intimate photos, videos, or messages to your partner can be a component of your relationship, but it is not obligatory.

  • Inquire if your partner is at ease with sexting, and be considerate if they decline. It's understandable to have reservations about sharing personal content digitally.

  • If your partner is open to sexting, always seek their consent before sending anything. Remember, digital consent needs to be continuous.

  • Avoid sending unsolicited sexts.

Picture Pressure/Violation

Digital sexual interactions should feel safe, comfortable, and voluntary.

  • If your request for a nude photo is rejected, respect their choice.

  • Never pressure or guilt someone into sending something they’re not comfortable with.

  • Never share someone’s nude photo with anyone else. This could be illegal.

  • Storing or sharing nude photos of someone under 18 could also be illegal, even if you are also under 18.

Resources:

National Sexual Assault Hotline:

  • Confidential 24/7 support is provided by RAINN (the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization). Operated in partnership with local sexual assault service providers.

  • Hotline: 800-656-HOPE (4673)

  • Online chat: RAINN Online Chat

National Helpline for Male Survivors:

  • A service of 1in6, offering support specifically for male survivors.

  • Online chat: 1in6 Online Chat

National Domestic Violence Hotline:

National Human Trafficking Hotline:

THINK, Resources, Health CareRebecca White